How can I rekindle relations with my wife after years of neglect?

I haven't had much of a life for about four years. They've been difficult years for both my wife and I. Decline started with my wife's surgery for pancreatic cancer and a long convalesence. But it has not been that, but my own problems for the last three-and-half years. I realize there's a natural slowing down after age 60, but I've yet to find anything that really helps. Early in our marriage I used various means to help my wife overcome inhibitions that had come from an abusive ex-husband. Somehow, after her surgery, I can't get into games and roleplays as I did then. There seems little desire now for and the male enhancement pills aren't working well for me. My question is, how can I become more active ually and encourage my wife at the same time to have more , and better , more like before we both "shut down" ually? Real help would be appreciated.